“No matter how hot your anger is, it cannot cook yams”- A Nigerian Proverb

If you are angry about a situation, you cannot progress. Having a negative attitude is wasted energy. It is difficult to not be angry about a bad situation, and it is normal to be upset sometimes. But by changing how you view problems, you can be angry less and be more productive. Your energy will not be wasted on anger but used to solve challenges – like cooking yams!

Let’s imagine this situation. A man has come home from a long day at work and is very hungry. But he finds his wife has dropped the cooking pot, broken it in half and spilled all the yam porridge. Getting angry with his wife will mean there is still no food and a broken pot. Instead, the man is a strong husband and solves the problem without being angry. How does he solve the issue without being upset?

TAKE A PAUSE

First, he takes a break and thinks before he gets angry, using his energy productively. He can then make a good decision that was not made in anger. Before you make any rushed decisions when you are angry, it is important to take a pause or spend a few minutes thinking. This means you are less likely to make a hurried decision that you might regret. You can think calmly about how to change the situation, like the man in the story. No matter if you are young, old, man, or woman, you should always wait instead of making a decision in anger.

COMMUNICATE

Secondly, the husband talks to his wife about how to solve the problem. He asks whether the wife has other food prepared or another pot to start cooking again. Instead of getting angry, he communicates with his wife to make sure the whole family is fed. If you can talk to the person who has made a mistake, you can understand why it has happened. You can work together to solve the problem and find different options. If a wife is upset at her husband, she can help improve the situation by doing the same thing, talking to him.

WORK TOGETHER

Finally, the husband works with his wife to make sure the problem is solved quickly. Once husband and wife have talked to each other, they can find a solution together. The husband finds a new pot, while the wife prepares the food. Working together means that problems can be solved in half the time. Instead of getting angry and trying to solve the problem by themselves, they work together and start cooking again more quickly. Energy, instead of being wasted on anger, can help them cook the yams!

If you can learn how to approach problems instead of being angry, you can be a better husband or wife and improve your relationship. It does not matter if you are man or woman, young or old, everyone can learn to be less angry and more productive. In this story, because there was less anger, the husband might buy a stronger pot so it does not break again, or the wife might ask someone to help her carry it, so she does not drop it. Problems can be solved more quickly if energy is spent on positive choices instead of anger. ‘No matter how hot your anger is, it cannot cook yams’.

ABIGAIL EARDLEY

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5 Comments

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